Sunday, November 6, 2011

the keys are alright , or ... lost things

There is a fine line between being fine and only appearing so. It's difficult to distinguish from the outside and often from within. Even if you are analytical. Even if you are self-reflective. Even and especially if you are me.

For me, determining a state of okay-ness, relies on a finite number of soft signs. Obviously to wonder if there is mental clarity indicates that there is some, actually that there's a lot...but? But not so fast.

If I am distracted, since I am normally focused in a disorderly way, that is a sign. The extension of this sign is a key, or a set of them. "Do you know where your keys are?" This question could be synonymous with "are you alright?" Lately keys and their location seem to give the best insight to if I am or am not through and through functioning well emotionally, physically, etc. If say, I lock my keys in my car, it wasn't as simple as locking keys in a car. There was another reason. Not a blaming sort of reason, but a state of being reason with catalysts and multifactoral roots. I was too much in my mind and not enough in the world of objects.

If say 2 weeks ago when I again misplaced my keys for 20 minutes and searched for them in my car in the rain with a headlamp, wondering "how did I do this again?" Answer: You are clearly distracted. Distracted to the point of having the keys in my pocket the entire time. Distracted to the point of leaving the keys in my front door all night 5 days later. Distracted enough to not be thinking about tangibles about matter.

Where are my keys? Next to the door where they belong. In the ashtray that I use for keeping keys. Not in the door. Not in a pocket. Not in a trunk. Not in purse number 5. So I know yes, I am focused once again.

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